Friday, March 20, 2015

"My daddy has cancer."

Kevin's cancer diagnosis affected many people; from family to friends - and even strangers.

The two people it probably affected the most were Adele and Crosby. My children's world imploded. They went from having a mom and dad with them all the time to not seeing daddy and only seeing mama for a few hours a day. They were only 2 years old and 7 months old - but they knew something was horribly wrong.

The night Kevin was diagnosed my mom was with the kids. I told her to bring them to the emergency room immediately. Kevin had to emergently have a huge IV placed in his neck to start lowering his life-threatening high white blood cell count. His only request was that he could hold his kids before this IV went in.

Unfortunately - there was no time.

The kids got there when the line was going in. When Adele saw him, he had blood running down his neck and covering his shirt. Crosby was just a baby; he didn't want to go by him and just wanted me to hold him and take him home... Adele was scared. The blood really freaked her out... It was devastating.

The first time I got back home with the kids - my sister and brother-in-law were over with their two small kids. Adele and Brayden were sitting at the table and talking about their daddies. I forgot what Brayden said - but Adele responded, "My daddy has cancer." That ripped my heart out. Why the f$#% should she even know that word at 2 years old! Tears started flowing immediately.

There were only a few times that Adele visited Kevin in the hospital (and even fewer with Crosby). Every visit ended in her crying hysterically and holding onto Kevin with a death grip and me peeling her off of him. People literally just stared at us. When Crosby would visit - he was afraid of his daddy and didn't want to go by him - heartbreaking... He didn't come to the hospital much because of this.

We tried a few video chats with daddy but that never seemed to go well and Adele was always so upset afterwards because she missed him so much!

I tried to keep their life as normal as possible - but it wasn't. I would come home from work, feed them, put them in bed and leave to sleep at the hospital while my mom, mother-in-law or brothers would stay here with them. Every night I left - Adele asked me not too. They both had special mama and daddy bears that they slept with when we were both gone at night... They clung to them every single night. I literally had to choose between leaving Adele and Crosby or leaving Kevin alone in the hospital. It was always an impossible choice and my heart was always broken because of it.

The BMT admission was the hardest. There are no kids allowed on this unit. Kevin went 6 weeks without seeing his kids. We tried the video chatting but that again always ended in tears. And frankly - Kevin just felt to shitty to even talk. We once drove by the hospital and slowed down while Kevin waved from his room window. Adele saw him and almost cried she was so excited!

Needless to say - our kids are still affected by this. Adele gets nervous every time someone is ill. She gets especially nervous and asks if daddy will have to go back into the hospital when he is sick. I tell her no; but I know damn well I could be lying... Leukemia is sneaky - it relapses. People die every day from this disease.

Without research - without money - without clinical trials -- Adele and Crosby would not have their daddy here.

SO back to my mission - give me a donation.
When you think of an amount - give me more.
Many other children don't want to lose their daddy.

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